By Angela Chambliss
One year ago my husband and I received the most exciting news of our lives, that we were expecting a baby, our first child. After feelings of excitement, anxiety and an entire pool of emotions of comprehending what this would mean for our lives, I was soon after overwhelmed of the thought of; “oh my, what about my job!?”
You might be thinking, how in the world did work come up for her? A new parent should be enjoying the amazing news she just received. After some reflection, it was easier for me to understand my mixed emotions. Work at Best Buy is all I have known for 8 years and such a huge part of my life; it’s where I spend my days, often what comes up in small talk with friends and family, the place I started working in college as an intern, what I’m passionate about. It really shouldn’t have been a surprise that I was working through the thoughts of how expecting to start a family could impact everything I have worked so hard for.
I had taken the usual vacation here and there, but the longest time I took off was two weeks after I got married and went on my honeymoon. I remember thinking “how will I be able to “unplug” from work? Maybe I should bring my laptop to Maui incase I need to log on? What if someone needs me? What if there is an urgent issue that needs to be resolved? Yes, all things that went through my head before leaving the office for a little break were the same thoughts racing through my mind when I found out I was pregnant only they compounded and I realized, I am not just taking a vacation, I am going to ask my employer to let me take 12 weeks off then I am going to return to work with a new life at home – new needs and challenges I had never faced before.
So, before I tell you what I did, let me cut to the chase and say that everything is going great! Makenna, our daughter, is now six months old and she is the absolute joy of our life. I made it through labor & delivery, nursing, the first eight weeks of colic, adjustment to and from maternity leave, putting her into daycare, coming back to work, we all made it…but it wasn’t super easy! It took some good self talk, a circle of support, a strong and supportive work team and boss and a great husband, mother and sister to help with things. Here are my tricks and how I survived it all and in my opinion, had a pretty seamless transition back into my career:
1. I took my boss’ advice: My boss told me in our last 1:1 before I left for leave to unplug, that Best Buy WOULD go on without me for a while – hard to hear right!? Wrong, she was right and it was one of the best things I did. I have never “unplugged,” even on vacations if I didn’t have my laptop, I had my PDAand I would respond. Doesn’t send the right message does it? Even when people know you’re out and they know your responding, they keep the conversation going. So my best advice is to truly unplug. Here’s why. No one could have prepared me for the journey I was about to embark on. I was 10 months pregnant walking around the office telling people that if they needed me just to give me a call. Yes, I am serious, I said that, and I thought I meant it. When I had Makenna, things changed, not because I did or didn’t “unplug’ but they changed because it was absolutely out of my control. I had thought, infants, easy, they eat, sleep and poop- or so people say. Wrong again, I had a colicky baby. My first 8 weeks were spent, healing, nursing, rocking the baby, nursing (did I say nursing! It’s amazing how much those little buggers can eat) and ohh, not sleeping. I was in a partial coma for 4 weeks and as I started to feel better the colic ramped up between 6-10 weeks. I could have looked at my PDA or opened my laptop if my life depended on it. I had no choice but to focus on caring for this new love of my life, this little baby that needed me 100%, and I needed her. While work was important to me, the issues at work, had to escape my mind because those beginning weeks at home were a complete adjustment. The last 4 were pretty nice, colic had subsided, we were able to enjoy lunches with friends and before I knew it I was preparing Makenna and I for the transition back to the real world and what would soon be our new normal.
2. Prepare yourself and your schedule for going back: I was actually excited to go back to work. I missed my co-workers, I missed the fast pace Best Buy world and I really missed my job. I loved every second home with Makenna, but I went on leave knowing it was not going to be forever and that was something I recommend to all new moms. Many say once they are on leave it’s hard to go back and some decide to stay home, there is nothing wrong with that. However, for those of us who enjoy working outside the home (maternity leave will help confirm or deny that theory), it is important to emotionally prepare for the return. I knew, and told myself often, I needed work, it was my independence, I could make a difference in women’s lives if I work and it’s rewarding. I also know Makenna needs interaction with other kids, a social and learning environment, so being at daycare would help her be an independent girl then woman someday too. So to prepare I started her in daycare two weeks before I went back to work. Makenna went two days a week for just half days, but it made the transition so much easier for me and her. Now, the first day I dropped her off, even though it was only from 9am to noon, I drove away feeling pretty miserable, I missed her the second I left the driveway without her!After all, I had been inseparable from her for 10 weeks; she was nursing, wasn’t taking a bottle (that’s an entire different blog) and she was my little baby girl! Quite honestly, I felt like she was too tiny to be without me. But I learned that wasn’t true very quickly. As I drove away from day care, I went anywhere but home since I had just gone10 weeks straight of just her and I, so I ran errands which helped.. I arrived at daycare at noon, on the dot. I was so excited to see her, and she was all in one piece. Yes, someone else can take care of her and keep her happy and safe, a hard concept to swallow, but important to accept.
3. Create a circle of support: Not a day went by the first few weeks at home that I didn’t call my cousin, Nina, who is a mother of three and in my opinion is the guru of motherhood. People will offer help and I highly recommend you take it. Let people bring food when you return from the hospital, call your friends when you need a pick me up or for some advice. This is simple, surround yourself with people that love you and you will adjust to being a new mom and going back to work much easier.
4. Stay true to what is important to you: For example, I knew nursing was really important to me, but I was really concerned about how I would pull it off. I learned from other nursing working moms on this one and am sure glad I did. I schedule two 15 minute “meetings” every day on my calendar so I can pump. We have great pumping rooms on campus. I let my boss and colleagues know this was important to me and that I made a commitment to at least 6 months and would go longer if it goes well (I am at 6 months and it is going very well so far). I also have to leave a few days a week at 4pm to pick up Makenna at daycare. We selected an in home daycare near home for many reasons, but the one downside was the hours, they close at 5pm. We wanted Makenna at this daycare so my husband, my mother and I all take turns each week picking her up. It has actually turned out to be quite a blessing because when I pick her up I get more time with her. This was something I learned after having a baby; they go to bed really early! That is great for them to get their much needed rest, but hard for moms and dads because the time at night is short and precious. Having to pick Makenna up by 5pm a few nights a week forces me to shut down, shift gears, and focus on her. This way I am able to spend those very short 3 hours at night until bedtime with her and focus on just her. Point here is it’s easy to work late; it’s hard to prioritize and manage a work life balance, so set up times that are family time where you spend with your child. This has helped me focus my nights until she goes to bed on her.. I believe there isn’t another way, the baby will demand your time and needs your time, so you can’t sit on the laptop when a diaper needs to be changed or she needs to be fed or you want to play with her so you can hear her giggle just ONE more time!
5. Do what is right for you: At the end of day, every child is different and that means every mother is different. No one way is right or wrong. How I did it and do things works for me. It is my work life balance. It’s my way of accepting what is my new normal and let me say, it’s a fabulous new normal. My career is still going great, my job is still incredibly important to me. My life has changed and how I do things has adjusted, but I am still me, I am just a new me with a new perspective on life.
Dorothy-BBY
on:
The Helper: (over)Step
on:
Women’s History Month
